Customer service is something most people only think about when something goes wrong. But when you’re disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, or living with limited energy, customer service isn’t a “nice to have” – it’s essential.
In this episode of 3Spoonies, we are joined by Gavin Neate and we dug into what customer service really feels like from the disabled side, why so many people avoid complaining, and what both customers and businesses can do to make interactions safer, kinder, and more effective.
This isn’t about being demanding.
It’s about being able to exist, buy things, access services, and live life without it becoming a battle.
You can find out more about Gavin here.
Why Customer Service Hits Differently When You’re Disabled
For many disabled people, contacting customer service already comes with a cost.
It might be:
- Pain from sitting upright too long
- Fatigue from concentrating
- Anxiety around phone calls
- Brain fog making it hard to explain the issue
- Or the emotional weight of having to justify your needs… again
So when something goes wrong, it’s not just an inconvenience – it can feel overwhelming before you even start.
That’s why so many disabled people:
- Put things off
- Don’t complain
- Or quietly walk away instead of pushing for a fix
Not because it doesn’t matter, but because the process itself is exhausting.
The Emotional Labour of Asking for Help
One of the big themes in this conversation was how much emotional work goes into asking for support.
There’s often an internal loop of:
- “Am I being a problem?”
- “Am I asking too much?”
- “Is this worth the energy?”
Add in years of being dismissed, misunderstood, or told you’re “too sensitive”, and it’s no wonder people hesitate.
Asking for help shouldn’t feel like a moral failing – but for many of us, it still does.
Why Many Disabled People Avoid Complaining
We talked a lot about this, and it’s important:
Disabled people often avoid complaining because:
- They don’t want to be labelled “difficult”
- They’re used to not being believed
- They don’t have the energy for conflict
- They’re scared of retaliation, awkwardness, or being dismissed
Sometimes it feels easier to absorb the inconvenience than to fight.
But that comes at a cost – financially, emotionally, and physically.
Being Human in Customer Service (On Both Sides)
One of the most powerful points raised was how much honesty and humanity matter.
From the business side:
- “Hi, it’s Gavin here – I’m not AI.”
- “I’m out walking the dog, I’ll be back in 5 minutes.”
- “I’ve seen your message and I will come back to you.”
These small things make a massive difference.
They:
- Build trust
- Reduce anxiety
- Manage expectations
- And remind people they’re talking to a human, not a system
From the customer side:
- You’re allowed to say you’re having a hard day
- You’re allowed to explain what you need
- You’re allowed to ask for clarity, pace, or patience
Customer service should be a two-way human interaction, not a power struggle.
Managing Energy, Capacity, and Response Times
For disabled business owners and customers alike, energy management matters.
Not everyone can:
- Reply instantly
- Take phone calls
- Sit at a screen all day
- Or deal with high-pressure conversations
And that’s okay.
Setting boundaries like:
- “I don’t answer the phone”
- “I nap in the afternoons”
- “Email is best for me”
isn’t unprofessional – it’s sustainable.
Good customer service isn’t about being available 24/7.
It’s about being clear, consistent, and kind.
Dealing With Anger, Frustration, and Difficult Interactions
Another big topic was anger – from customers, from businesses, and from the situation itself.
If someone is angry, it usually means:
- They’re frustrated
- They’re tired
- They’ve not been listened to
- Or something has gone wrong that genuinely matters to them
Meeting anger with defensiveness rarely helps.
What does help:
- Acknowledging the frustration
- Owning mistakes where they exist
- Asking how you can improve
- Inviting feedback instead of avoiding it
It’s not about who’s right.
It’s about helping someone feel heard.
“The Customer Is Always Right” (And What That Actually Means)
We also unpacked the phrase everyone loves to hate: “The customer is always right.”
No – customers are not always factually right.
But they are:
- Experiencing something real
- Feeling something valid
- And reacting to something that has affected them
You don’t have to agree with someone to treat them with respect.
And as a disabled customer, you are absolutely allowed to:
- Advocate for yourself
- Ask for better
- Expect reasonable adjustments
- And protect your own wellbeing
You are not asking for special treatment.
You are asking for equal access.
Helping Businesses Help You
One of the most empowering ideas we discussed was this:
You are allowed to help businesses get it right.
That might mean:
- Explaining what works for you
- Saying what you need clearly
- Offering feedback when something isn’t accessible
- Or suggesting small changes
It’s not your responsibility to educate everyone – but when you can and want to, it can create real change.
And when businesses listen?
That’s when things start to improve.
Rapport, Trust, and Long-Term Relationships
Good customer service isn’t just about fixing a problem.
It’s about:
- Building trust
- Creating safety
- Developing rapport
- And showing consistency over time
When disabled customers feel safe with a business, they:
- Come back
- Recommend you
- And are more open about what they need
Trust is accessibility.
The Hidden Context People Don’t See
We also talked about something that often gets missed: hidden context.
A customer might be:
- In pain
- Overstimulated
- Exhausted
- Dealing with grief
- Coming off a bad appointment
- Or managing symptoms you can’t see
That doesn’t excuse bad behaviour – but it does explain why kindness matters so much.
The same is true for people working in customer service.
Everyone is carrying something.
Accessibility in Practice vs Accessibility on Paper
It’s easy to say:
- “We’re accessible”
- “We’re inclusive”
- “We welcome everyone”
It’s much harder to make that true in practice.
Accessibility isn’t:
- A policy
- A statement
- Or a tick box
It’s:
- Clear communication
- Multiple contact options
- Flexible processes
- Patient staff
- And a willingness to adapt
Small changes make a big difference.
What Good Customer Service Actually Looks Like
From this conversation, good customer service looks like:
- Being human
- Being honest
- Being clear
- Being kind
- Being willing to listen
- Being open to feedback
- And not making people fight for basic access
It’s not complicated.
It’s compassionate.
Final Thoughts
Disabled people are not asking for the world.
We are asking for:
- Respect
- Access
- Dignity
- And to be treated like people, not problems
Customer service can be a barrier – or it can be a bridge.
And when it’s done well, it changes lives in ways most people never see.
Thank you to our amazing guest Gavin Neate. You can find out more about Gavin here.
This blog is based on our 3Spoonies podcast episode:
“Customer Service for Disabled People”
In the episode, we talk openly about:
- Real experiences
- Emotional impact
- Practical tips
- And how both customers and businesses can do better
If this resonated with you, we’d love you to watch or listen to the full episode – and share it with anyone who needs to hear it.
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