If you’re disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, or running a business with limited energy, boundaries aren’t a “nice to have”. They’re survival tools.
In this episode of 3Spoonies, we sat down to talk honestly about what it really means to set boundaries with clients, collaborators, partners, and even friends — especially when you’ve spent most of your life being the reliable one, the people-pleaser, or the person who just pushes through no matter how awful you feel.
And yes… we all recognised ourselves far too much in this one.
Why boundaries feel so hard (especially for spoonies)
So many of us grow up learning that we should be:
- helpful
- flexible
- easy to work with
- low maintenance
- grateful for opportunities
Add disability, chronic illness, or neurodivergence into the mix and that pressure multiplies. You start feeling like you have to:
- over-deliver to “make up for” your health
- never inconvenience anyone
- never say no
- never admit you’re struggling
Which is how you end up exhausted, resentful, and wondering why your business (or relationships) feel unsustainable.
We talked about how deeply ingrained people-pleasing can be, and how hard it is to unlearn the instinct to say “yes, that’s fine!” when your entire body is screaming “absolutely not”.
The invisible cost of over-committing
One of the biggest themes in this episode was the hidden cost of always pushing through.
When your energy is limited, every “yes” has a price tag attached to it — even if you don’t realise it at the time. That price might show up as:
- pain
- fatigue
- migraines
- brain fog
- emotional crashes
- cancelled plans later
- work taking twice as long
- full-on burnout
We talked about how easy it is to keep saying yes because “future you” will deal with the consequences… and how future you is usually not impressed with past you’s decisions.
Flexibility vs self-sacrifice
There’s a big difference between being flexible and sacrificing yourself.
Flexibility is:
- adjusting timelines when capacity changes
- planning buffer time
- building rest into your week
- having low-energy versions of tasks
Self-sacrifice is:
- working when you’re clearly unwell
- skipping rest to meet unrealistic expectations
- constantly rescuing deadlines you never should’ve agreed to
- pretending you’re fine when you’re not
We talked about how often disabled people are praised for “coping so well”, when actually what they’re doing is quietly harming themselves to keep everyone else comfortable.
Why boundaries are an accessibility issue
This is the bit we really want more people to understand:
Boundaries are accessibility.
For energy-limited people, boundaries aren’t about being difficult or dramatic — they’re about making life and work physically possible.
Things like:
- not booking meetings on certain days
- blocking out recovery time
- refusing urgent last-minute requests
- limiting how many projects you run at once
- having slower response times
aren’t laziness. They’re accommodations.
And the moment you start seeing boundaries as a form of access support rather than a personality flaw, everything changes.
Learning to say no (and surviving the guilt)
We were very honest about how horrible it feels at first to say no.
The first few times you do it, your brain will:
- panic
- catastrophise
- tell you everyone will hate you
- tell you you’ve ruined everything
Spoiler: you haven’t.
Most people take it far better than you expect. And the ones who don’t? They were benefiting from your lack of boundaries in the first place.
We talked about how it gets easier with practice — not because it stops feeling awkward, but because you start realising how much better your life is when you don’t constantly override your own needs.
Capacity changes — and that’s not a moral failing
Another big theme was changing capacity.
Sometimes you agree to something in good faith… and then your health tanks, your circumstances change, or your energy just isn’t what it used to be.
That doesn’t make you unreliable.
That makes you human.
We talked about the importance of:
- renegotiating timelines
- adjusting expectations
- being honest earlier rather than later
- not punishing yourself for things you can’t control
And yes, sometimes that means disappointing people. But disappointing people occasionally is still better than destroying your health permanently.
Boundaries make everything better (eventually)
Setting boundaries doesn’t just protect your energy — it also:
- improves your work quality
- reduces resentment
- makes relationships healthier
- attracts better-aligned clients
- makes your business sustainable
You don’t become colder or less caring.
You become clearer, safer, and more consistent.
And honestly? That’s a much nicer person to work with anyway.
Final thoughts
If you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this:
You are not lazy.
You are not broken.
You are not failing at life.
You are a human with limited energy living in a world that expects infinite output.
Boundaries aren’t selfish.
They’re how you stay alive, sane, and able to keep going.
🎙 Listen to the full episode:
3Spoonies on Setting Boundaries with Clients and Partners
Available now on YouTube and all major podcast platforms.
Find all the ways to watch and listen here.
If you’d like all new episodes straight to your inbox then join our mailing list.